too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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