I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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