DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
