The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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