Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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