shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
