Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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