Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
