When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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