If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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