Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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