Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
