Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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