I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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