I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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