i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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