Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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