I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
