I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
