she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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