the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
