Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Randomize
