I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
