I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize