I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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