why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize