Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
