You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
