if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
