look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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