Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
