Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
