didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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