Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
