dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
