How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
