I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
