Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
