dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
