went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
