What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
