you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
