Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
