haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
