On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize