I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize