I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
operation harelip BJ is a go
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize