I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
