i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
