halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
