I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
