weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
