I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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