I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Someone signed my nipple.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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