I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I want a musical about memes.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
