That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize