My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
