I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Mom said you looked used
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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