Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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