i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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