There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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