Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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