At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
