i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
