God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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