after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
