Where did you get a picture of my penis
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm like, not good at living.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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