she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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