dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
