this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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