i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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