I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
