I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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