Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
