she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
