I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
