She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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