Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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