Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
