the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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