Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
