Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
