Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
