Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
