I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you inspire me to be a worse person
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
