His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
